My Journey in Denying Myself

My "word" of the year is "Deny Thyself."   Each year the Lord lays a word on my heart and I get to watch it unfold.  This year...….WOW!    Month-by-month I see this unfold.

January I was challenged to deny myself U.S. treats while we were in on furlough. So long sugar for the month of January.   Deny Thyself

In February, God called me to deny myself in the relationships with the missionary staff we lived and worked with.  Serve and honor them above myself.  Deny Thyself

March, the mission's parent organization sent in 2 representatives that told us we were going under a new parent organization.  This was a big change that came with many more changes.  Deny Thyself

April, the new organization stepped in.....it was like a step parent and we were all trying to figure out how this worked.  Deny Thyself

May, we were asked to leave the organization and the country we loved. Deny Thyself

June, we left our home, life, ministries, animals, many possessions, and friends of the last 4 years. Deny Thyself 

We were scheduled for a furlough later in June so we continued with the plans we had made.   A week of that was to go to beach where family members graciously share their condo with us.  It was a much needed time of rest and stillness.

One day while at the condo, Mark took the children to do an activity.  I was willing to go but there would be more room if I did not go and a financial savings.   He agreed to take the kids on his own and I stayed back to sweep a layer of sand off of the floor and do some laundry and clean up the condo. 

After I finished cleaning up a bit, I grabbed the book I was reading (vacation reading-a series our youngest was reading and wanting me to read it too!) and went down to lay in the sun by the pool.   I enjoy reading, swimming, the sun, and alone time....now, my secret is out!

As I was laying there I could hear the lady next to me parenting her children while they played and splashed and complained and all things kids do.  I listened because unlike other times, I was in her flip-flops with the same role.   As I laid there appearing to not have a care in the world, I wondered if people's opinion of me would be different if they knew my husband and I were unemployed and our family was essential homeless (cause legally, we are.)

I thought how I appeared to be without a care.  NO spouse to tend to.   NO children to care for.  At that moment, I did not have those responsibilities.  I was not being a WIFE or  a MOTHER..   The thought lingered, I am not a MISSIONARY, a title that I realized I had some pride wrapped up in at times.   Geez, I was not even a MINISTER'S WIFE and my certificates from the states to declare me a teacher have been expired for years, I wasn't a TEACHER either!  As I laid there considering who I wasn't, the Lord spoke to me boldly and said but, "YOU ARE MINE."  He impressed on me that this is the ONLY title I need in life and everything else is lame in comparison.  

I laid in the sunshine with a smile on my face.  I don't need titles.   I thanked the Lord for this rocky season has purpose in my life and He allowed me to see it.  They Lord was calling me to DENY the titles in my life that I thought defined who I was, cause they don't!  

That evening I feed the family (because I can deny the title in giving me worth but not the people reflected by the title.)   I had a few quiet minutes with My Dear after clean-up and shared with him what the Lord had told me.  He's response was with wide eyes and a big smile and he said, "Romans 1:1, God told me the same thing!"

So in June, I learned to deny myself of the titles that I think define me because the only one that really matters is that I am His.    I AM A CHILD OF GOD!